There are No Good Families (2018)

There are No Good Families became a national best-seller in the category of psychology within months of its publication and continues to be hotly debated in Turkey. Being the most controversial book by Kaya, it draws diverse reactions, including fury and admiration, along with her book There are No Good Societies (2019). The book is actually talking about the child archetype or the child within, to show that real-life parenting is only a result of the way we parent our inner child, and questions the taboo around the family as an institution and especially the taboo of motherhood, with all values attributed to them traditionally.

There are no good families. Or, paradoxically, only the families who can act by the principle that “There are no good families” can be good. Even the best parents -or, caregivers- harm the child. It is not possible to be a good parent without accepting the fact that harming an infant whilst s/he is growing up is inevitable.

Parenthood is made sacred and institutionalized to legitimatize the harm given to the child by the parent.

Respect is not obedience. What we are taught under the name of “respect” has little to do with real respect. Only something that can be mutual and that is not subject to hierarchy can be called “respect”. In our culture, the word is often misused; patterns such as “respecting the parent”, “respecting the teacher”, “respecting adults”, “respecting the government” function to disguise the disrespect for the child or the individual. Moreover, the word “respect” is used to commit acts of disrespect. The one who needs respect most is not parents, teachers, or adults, but the child. It is only by giving the child the respect s/he deserves -which means, also, the inner child- that we can respect the individual and best reach our potential.

Family, in the way it is organized today in our country, is the smallest unit of organized evil.

This book is for people who have had a childhood or who are going through it.

There are No Good Families is studied in departments of Psychology, Psychological Counseling, Developmental Psychology at about a dozen of universities in Turkey, and sometimes along with There are No Good Societies.

There are No Good Societies: Ways Society Abuses The Individual in Everyday Life

There are No Good Societies, which was originally written as the second chapter of There Are No Good Families, is now its second volume, and a critique of culture (especially Turkish) like the first volume.

There are No Good Societies tells about the ways we adapt to society without our realizing it and how this mechanism prevents the individual and the society from really existing. It argues that all ceremonies such as engagement, marriage, weddings etc, are indeed rituals of sacrifice to a patriarchal God of society and the function they serve is different than those told to us.

The most important mirror of a person is his/her sexuality. Likewise, societies are also made up of sexuality. In order for a society to make individuals nothing more than an extension of itself, a perception of womanhood and manhood is created and reinforced through ceremonies. Each ceremony we normalize sacrifice our being to society and leads to the inner death of both the society and the individual.

The meaning we give to ceremonies also define the meaning we give to our own being and designates who owns the control of our life.

Whether it is a horse or a brand new car, the bride is “put” on/into it by other people to accentuate her passivity, and made a subject of the ceremony, like the groom. In this way, an idea that the bride -and also, the groom indeed- are not in control of their lives and they are not free to live their marriage life as they like is given to each of us who witness this scene and regard it normal. We can witness the same in Church marriages, where a parental male figure is needed to “give the bride away”.